Monday, May 19, 2014

Another Hiatus

if it hasn't already been apparent to you:

i'm taking a hiatus from blogging.

this year has taken a bold turn, and i'm still trying to process it all.
and every time i step back up to my blogging plate, i stare at it blankly for about 5 minutes before just closing it and doing something else with my day.

so this blog will still be here
i will still keep ownership of this domain
but for now, it will remain as is
until i am ready to take it
to the next level

i have to take myself to the next level, first.

just know that i am doing well.
we are doing well.
and i am thinking of you.

Saturday, February 1, 2014


2013 taught me something...

... It taught me that there is a huge difference between remembering the past and looking back.

It taught me that a new beginning and second chances can be the same.

That there really are worse things in life than... well, MY life.

That moments are really what count.

Not much happened since my last entry. I was the cause of my Almonds being chronically late to school in the mornings. I had a scheduled induction which turned into an emergency Caesarian Section. I hated my body and resented my doctor for the rest of the year. My loving Jobi returned home, and it changed our family in small and unexpected ways.

But through it all, I was grateful that we made it. That the year had drawn to a close, and we survived it. And when I say "we," I don't just mean me and my little family. I also mean my sister who went through two major surgeries in her never-ending cancer battle, another sister who had a major surgery in her own battles, a mother who's cancer has returned, a brother who's illnesses are always unexplained but ever present, financial difficulties, emotional traumas, spiritual trials, separations, loss, pain. I'm not writing all these so people can feel sorry for us. Don't feel sorry for us! We do not feel sorry -- we feel grateful.

Last year tested us, and I do not wish to repeat it for the world (my baby being the only exception). It tested us, and we were strained under the pressure. But we survived. Yes, we are all still alive, we all still have roofs over our heads, we all still have foods in our bellies. In this age of extreme consumerism, how lucky am I to appreciate the true value of the simple things in life.

2014 is 1/12th of the way done, but I still feel like it has only begun. That is why I have no problem blogging so far along in the year. I don't have any concrete resolutions because so much is already going on that I know I will see change in my life. We are leaving Hawaii, this place I've called home for nearly a decade, and creating a new chapter for ourselves. A clean slate of sorts. I have finally stopped making excuses and applied at the fitness center on campus to be a Hot Hula fitness instructor for next month. I messed up my back again, doing the same thing I did last time, so I already have some kinks to work through this year. (No pun intended.) And I did something I feel like I only have dreams of anymore: I sang a song solo in Sacrament Meeting. Very VERY few people know my nature of singing and my feelings toward singing in Sacrament Meeting, so to accomplish that was a miracle indeed. This year is already turning out to be different.

But I do have two "mottos" for this new year. Mantras? Themes? Whatever you call them, here they are:


Jobi told me he heard a saying ... The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago; the second best time is now. So just do it already. No more excuses, no more hesitations. Be proactive. Own your decisions. Own your life. Remember who you are; remember your legacy. But don't look back. No more looking back. Always look forward. Always step forward. The pain will be there, the struggle will be there. Don't fear it. Be strong; have faith; keep on moving forward.

May this year be the year you have much to look forward to.