9 Things I Hate About Pregnancy

1.   My body changes. A lot.

For those of you who've never experienced pregnancy before, let me elaborate... your belly gets big (obviously). Your butt gets big. Your feet get big. Your boobs get big. Your face gets big (even your nose sometimes). Your skin looks flawless, but then three months later it looks hideous. Your contact lenses don't fit anymore. Your hair looks thicker. EVERYWHERE. Your teeth hurt. You have to pee a lot. (You may not even make it to the toilet... *crickets*) And your taste buds -- you either absolutely love food or loathe and detest it. And don't get me started on your sense of smell...

2.   My emotions change. A LOT. 

Once I made dinner and went to my room before putting away the leftovers. When I came back out, my sister already put them away. I cried. Yep. 

There are other indicators of emotional changes in pregnancy, like when someone puts down the cafeteria food at your old stomping grounds and your usually passive self tells them to shut it. Even if you didn't really eat at said cafeteria; you just suddenly presume they are spoiled, rich brats and you now hate them. 

Or when you cry tears of joy for Russell Crowe's performance at the Oscars with the Les Mis cast... (I will write a review on that. I'm just trying to not make it into an analytic essay.)

3.   My 'okole hurts. 

And my lower back, and my legs. One word: S-C-I-A-T-I-C-A. Look it up. And if you have it but don't get it in check, it'll get worse every pregnancy (trust me -- I KNOW)!

4.   My wardrobe sucks.

Don't ever tell me "but they have super cute maternity clothes all over the place," because then I will pop your face. I hate hate HATE clothes shopping, and I hate even.more. when I can only wear clothes for a limited time. Maternity clothes fit that category. So does a wedding dress.

So yes, instead of trying to keep myself sexy and cute while my belly gets too big for me to walk straight, I dress more like .... well, like I can't walk straight. And save my money for food that helps me do that.

5.   My diet sucks. 

Speaking of food... remember how I said that pregnant women either love food or hate food? It's true. These instances are called food cravings and food aversions. For the first 20 weeks, I am always the latter: nothing tastes good to me. Not my favorite brownies or guava cakes or rocky road ice cream. Not Chinese or cheese or soups. Nothing too sweet, too salty, too sour, or too spicy. Which leaves -- that's right -- fruits and vegetables. What kinda pregnant woman eats only fruits and vegetables?!?

I also have had a diet problem in pregnancy called Gestational Diabetes. I've mentioned it before. That occurs in the latter half of pregnancy, and that is when my taste buds level out and I'm ready to eat my Snickers and M&Ms and milkshakes again. But now I can't. Yep... suck, suck, suck. 

"But it's for a good cause... it's for your baby!" Yeah, don't say that to me, either.

6.   My sleep sucks.

First trimester you just want to sleep it off. Second trimester you can't sleep at all. Third trimester you're thrown in a stupid mix of the first two. I'm too tired to say anymore on this.

7.   I get anxious about being a mother.

Not the yipeeIcan'twaitforthisbabytocome anxious -- the holycrapwhatamIgonnadowiththisbaby anxious. For example: 

Will the baby be healthy? Will she like me? Will she get along with her siblings? Will she be a good, righteous, faithful, upstanding person in the world? Will she be smart, and go to college, and get a good career, and own her own home? Will she wanna get tattoos and pierce her nose and dye her hair the same color as her feelings? Will I be able to teach her how to read, and write, and work, and obey, and share, and take turns, and respect, and love? Should I homeschool her, or put her in every sport and instrument under the sun? Should I make her custom chalk, or shoes, or wall decal? Will I give her everything, or will that be too much? How am I going to handle raising this child? What will people think? 

Like I said, emotions. These questions have come to my mind (not always this dramatic, of course) each pregnancy, so by deductive reasoning (which will also be in short supply now), I blame them on the pregnancy.

8.   I miss being not pregnant.

I miss being on stage. I miss having a sound mind. I miss wearing the cute clothes I have (and can wear over again). I miss working towards getting skinnyier. And I really could go without items 1-7 on this list.

9.   The end is the worst.

If you have ever had a normal pregnancy, the last trimester was probably spent waiting and waiting and waaaaaaaaiting for your little "bundle of joy" to arrive. This is how mine have gone:

Week before delivery: "GETTHISBABYOUTTAMENOWORSOHELPME!!!"

Once in labor: "OWWWITHURTSHOLY***INEVERASKEDFORTHIS!!!"

It's pathetic. But I can't help it. 

I was trying to come up with 10 things, but my brain stopped working.

Of course, there are some things I do like about being pregnant, 

so in all fairness, here is another list for you.

9 Things I Love About Being Pregnant

1. People treat me extra special. ("Oh, take a break." "Let me get that." "You just sit here." "Relax, we got it." I could get used to it.)
2. I have an excuse. ("I can't carry her." "I can't remember." "I can't eat that." "Don't blame me." You could pretty much get away with murder. I'm thinking, though, that the more kids you have, the less effective this could be...)
3. I can eat whatever I want. (Never mind.)
4. Uhhhhhhhhhhh.........

Forget it. That's it.